That explains why I'm up at midnight, and I'd like to do a short post on something taboo and unconventional- Prozac. Fluoxetine as the drug ingredient is. Somehow i would like to thank God for whoever invented this thing. It's basically a lifesaver when you feel like you cannot control anything anymore. So, this post is dedicated to the good and bad side of it, in case anyone has reservations on starting this medication.
I started eating this since last september, was on an on off thing. Rather consistent for the whole 2 months leading up to december last year but decided that once my finals in december was over i didn't need the drug anymore. I was sorely wrong. But here are 3 things to note.
1. You will need time to adapt to the drug.
For a newbie, it works almost instantaneously. I took lexapro before switching to prozac and when
I first ate lexapro i felt like i didn't know what i was doing. That thing made me so high my arms and lips felt numb. And i was only on 2.5mg. So the school made me switch to prozac, and according to the doctor is the safest SSRI in the market. So i took 20mg and within the next 15minutes all your troubles went away. The things that could make you cry wouldn't feel like anything much when you thought about it. Your eye tap basically stops leaking all the time. However if you eat it during your work/ school it isn't recommended as it makes you so calm you want to just relax and sleep. But that said, your body needs time to adapt to it and the first week on it if you eat it daily i was weepy at random times of the day and it was HARD. But two, three weeks into the medication you would stabilise and feel...
2. Like you have plasticky/rubber lips.
I didn't like that very much. Its like you dont want skin/bodily contact with anything and it just irritates your skin. So i guess that makes you more sensitive to the environment? Yet at the same time you feel this dull blank feeling within you. You dont feel happy/sad/emotion. Basically, you are in a ZEN state all day, and the only feeling you feel is the sleepiness at the end when you are completely worn out from the day. Its hard for you to feel excited about anything, and you dont crave human interaction as much as you would when you're highly emotional and needy. Good and bad, in my opinion. This is what happens when your system is flooded with serotonin.
3. Its a hard reset to your system.
People who say "oh you shouldn't rely on medication to help you, all you need is God-" is basically saying you dont need surgery when you need it, just pray and have faith. It doesnt work like that. When people say that they basically have absolutely NO understanding of what it is like to live with a frazzled and stressed out mind, constantly buzzing and looking out for any, ANY opportunity to be emotional and sad. Bad, suicidal things cross your mind so frequently you feel like everything is going out of control. Prozac makes that shut up. It just soothes the frazzled ends over and gives you a chance to think clearly. It is not that people dont know how to think clearly for themselves, or that they are just "giving in to the devil" as most people would put it. How about when you have a bleeding wound- do you not bandage it up and let it heal then? Prozac is like the bandage. It gives you a chance to heal. It is when you have the clarity of mind then would you be able to get things done during the day and spend quality time with the people who matter to you the most. On bad days, i eat doses on two consecutive days and then it helps me to think properly again. Only then can my mind be at rest to focus on devotions and stuff.
It isn't a crutch, it is a stepping stone for you to get more things done, to live, thinking for yourself instead of being affected by every single thing out there. It has helped me, so much that I just want to share it with everyone. Don't be afraid to take it, especially when you need it. It honestly doesnt give you the peace that God only can give, it just creates a blank slate in your mind, and what you fill that slate up after it is created depends on YOU. (:
Today's experiments were good, thank God. And as i was telling my mentor, Machida that it is a good day and I'm very happy, he said " The day is how you make it out to be." Its true, because its a mindset. And if you fill your mind up with filth, discouragement and hurt, then all there is would be tragedy.
I'll probably do more posts on the whole dep/anxiety thing. It's hard, but I will recover. I will.
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