birthday

my birthday celebration, made me feel like i was five again.

was an hour late to the place, due to a wrong turning to exit 10b, resulting in a horrible 1hr jam at the road. but thank God all was well as we arrived at that place, regardless. heh.

after two years, my father finally met sbb.

i dont really know how to feel. happy? sad? apathetic?
they seemed to be okay, my father being the friendly not really judgemental person, sizing sbb up like one of his army men heh. so i guess that was that. and i got a free cake heh from the restaurant and everyone sang me a birthday song. i then told mummy not to waste time buying me another cake; i had my fill. actually, cakes dont really mean much to me, or maybe cuz i just dont want them to be troubled, finding another time to cut cake. I'm not really into those celebrations anymore. maybe I'm just jaded? i dont know.

its a little like- you having a open wound that never really healed. it gets infected after awhile and it recovers, leaving a little scab at the end. yet when its bruised and hurt the wound reopens and the cycle continues. But one fine day, things just change for you. Your wound has magically sealed up, leaving a nice smooth scar at the end. And you have lived with this thing for a long time. Gotten frustrated at it, angry, then sad over it. But it doesnt matter anymore. whether it has healed or not, doesnt make you feel anything. you look over to your wound and you'll be like "oh it has healed. okay. now stop bothering me."

this whole thing just feels like the open wound. I was a little sad, when i couldn't answer truthfully when mother asked me if i was happy that we all went out tonight. i am happy that we came together and ate, at a place my father really enjoyed. i dont really matter.

idk, the whole thing just feels really weird to me. i dont really know how to feel. oh well. let God handle it then.