I mean like I'm always the one taking the extra effort, making surprises, doing things because I feel like I need to put in effort. because it's everyone's duty on earth to make the other person feel appreciated. but then it gets tiring so often, when ppl promise but don't deliver, that when your efforts to call and wake the other person up doesn't work, and you feel like you'll just not bother anymore. it's so annoying, that you can just rely on me for the hints on the final exam. I mean the same for anyone. it's not uploaded, I took the effort to come to school, wake up early take the damn 1hr bus ride and then you just sleep in. I see it this way, that there's no free lunch on this earth and how much effort you put into your work is how much you'll reap. if you don't want to put in the same effort, then don't ask other ppl for the important things. if it's once off nevermind, but it shouldn't always be like that. sometimes I think why I must make life so easy for you when I don't have it the same way.
and I feel the burden, cuz I'm always binging food, buying food, going over, trying to find ways to save money.
this damn thing is a cross for me to bear and I will have to bear it for as long as God wants me to. I can complain cry and whatever about it but nothing's going to change.
aiya let me rebuke myself with what I have been learning: to be gentle always giving and kind.
it's everything im not. God said I mustn't be stingy but I sadly am. because I don't like sharing my stuff. I'm not your mum but I feel like I am, buying food for you, making sure you're not hungry. But it's not your fault that things are like that.
let me pray for acceptance and a more tempered spirit, to know that God will give me enough money for us.
I'm having such a bad headache.
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