reasons why i left.

i guess leaving cc was something courageous for us, for my family. and it was necessary. there's too much that went on, too much that was said and covered up. nobody has the right to stop you to leave or make you feel bad that you've left, just because they think they are right and that they are truly God's anointed. that's just nonsense to me. why I'm here, tonight is to write a couple of letters to people whom i didn't really get to say goodbye to. these are my heartfelt feelings, and i wouldn't give them the pleasure of me mailing it to them personally. so here goes.

1. To the girl whom i was once friends with, fell out and then became acquaintances after.
you're the first one whom i wanted to write a letter to, but then decided against it. for i know that me writing wouldn't do anything to "us", if there's even an us in the first place. you dont seem to take the effort to say hi, or to bother. you just want to be special. but i didn't do you a favour by saying that you were, when it was clearly not the case after, before, whatever. you just seem to pacify me if i take the effort to say hi. it's easier for us both if we just continue to ignore each other, like you envisioned it to be, right? I'm sick and tired of your name coming up in conversations because of what you did/said whatever. getting into that choice university course meant a lot to you, and to the people around you too. i get it. i dont feel like I'm replaced, excluded, or left out because you entered uni. i already anticipated it. but girl, you reap what you sow. you exclude, one day you will be excluded. you're rude, one day people will be rude to you. im sorry for you, that you have to live life like you have to please everyone and get everyone to like you. this is why i dont bother any more, to even tell you goodbye. because you dont deserve it. you've caused an irreplaceable scar in my heart, that I'm on one hand thankful for, but on the other hand still angry because you were the one who did it. when i first came to church you said you would be my friend and follow me every where i go. people warned me against you but i didn't care. it was my decision and two years down the road i regretted it. it was nice knowing you and your sister, but honestly you didn't treat me as your close friend. you never came to me for your problems and we were just sunday friends. its okay. i come to realise that. one thing i never really said to you was this. please reflect on your own relationship before commenting on others. take a good hard look at yourself. you're not as good as you think you are. you've changed, no doubt. and i dont bother what you do, i dont say anything about you until you exclude me, take my friends away and then ignore me when coming to gatherings. think about that. this is why i dont want to even bother with a farewell, for courtesy is not meant for the rude.
im glad I'm done with you, your attitude and your stupid little minions. if one day you actually read this, good. because this is how i really feel about you.

now writing this makes me a little nostalgic, for i once had many fond memories with these people, until things soured. and many others too. for the rest it is more like a sigh, sad thing, rather than an angry bitter feeling.
thinking about all the lies that were said about my family. just makes me really really angry.
well wna know what people have been saying about me?
1. my mother is a divorcee/ troublemaker.
2. i was pregnant and possibly had an abortion.
3. my grades are slipping.


hello. check out my belly? and my mum is no divorcee please do not insult the marriage covenant of God. I'm so sick and tired of this church. so sick and tired of the nonsense that is spreading and the shit people condone. I'm glad i left all this behind. i dont need this in my life. it is a burden.