dreamt that there were two other guys, one kept hanging around and the other threw up in the middle of it, and then it was an indicator for me to stop, but then I was like I don't care, and like his vomit absorbed into the base of the mattress and I was like how the heck do I clean it up and this mattress is going to be in my room and I sleep at the top of it, and like it was my fault because I called for both, i invited both to come l. and the one who threw up said oh nevermind la just clean up, and he used up all the window cleaner that my mum couldn't find any. and during then I knew it wasn't muffy, because there was no love, and it felt horrible, absolutely horrible and the one that was always there, named s something kept pulling me back to him, and saying hey let's go on, don't care about the rest and then he kept pulling me back up, I was reluctant because I forgot about muffy and then he didn't care and tried at it dp again and I said no? don't don't. and then after that I walked down and wanted to write my diary, the 29th of something, and I had cheated, and I deserved to die because now I've been touched by other men and there's no reason for muffy to be by my side anymore. he can leave. he has the right to. and I was crying and the s guy was like hey don't, I'll buy you the new mattress and I was like it's not about the mattress. I was so screwed the feeling of your life sinking to bits looking at the flats below in the night sky and knowing you are in a shit ton of trouble doesn't help. o knew in my heart I wanted to take matters into my own hands and not wait for muffy any more since he didn't want to help me, which isn't true. and so I looked for my own solutions. I knew this wasn't the way and I had regretted it so much. it was so so so so so bad you want to find a way out and then....
I woke up. I literally jerked awake and sat up, and I was like OH MY I didn't cheat I'm so glad thank you God for helping me feel these things through my dream so I never have to do them in real life again.
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