have to talk to people and to pretend I'm enjoying myself with my hypocritical mother who's pretending everything is okay in front of people
yesterday night she was like talking in such a fake voice omy who can stand it idk who she trying to fake actually,
tmr I have to go to NIE, can't wait for the 28th and 29thnov to be over why go through the trouble of a wedding dinner
I don't wish to have one because first waste time organizing secondly waste money. oh well. nvm at least I have a choice for my wedding. like why should I be inviting people who didn't support me the least in my relationship? doesn't make sense right?
then you spend money, and then these people are just eating dinner and like life still goes on, why trouble???
just keep it simple. I don't even like involving my family members because they aren't even like much supportive of my own relationship, so whatever I do would be met with much skepticism, and so, why gather everyone and eat and pretend that you're happy for me? don't pretend!!!
in my wedding speech if there is even any, if I would even want to say anything, it isn't: thank you mum and dad for supporting me in this relationship, to press on, NO DAMMIT.every instance that things could go wrong, you say oh OPEN YOUR EYES and see.
so, sometimes I think giving a speech is a farce, and I'd only say like thank you God for Your grace and mercies each day. and please my parents don't give support so I can't be thanking them, if not I would be a hypocrite. Marcus's family is so supportive cuz the girl can just come in and eat and stuff, so please don't think that you'd expect a dinner or like all the recognition okay.
there's still so much anger and resentment inside me that if people ask, I'd be like hold wedding dinner for what? who supported my relationship and asked me to press on when times were difficult? not any one of my family members. who taught me how to iron out issues and to communicate? not any one of you; so why should I go through the trouble and feel like a hypocrite pretending that I love to celebrate my day with you?
I'm going to be like when the event is over- GREAT NOW moving on, like after finally.
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